Popcorn As It Should Be Done

So, I feel the reputation of popcorn needs rescuing. Popcorn that comes in a paper bag that you throw in the microwave is not real popcorn. (That fake buttery-flavored stuff that gets caked on the inside of the bag? Ew. Just ew.) Real popcorn gets dumped in a weird-shaped machine that makes weird loud noises and violently vomits the popped kernels into a bowl. Once there, the freshly AIR-POPPED popcorn--that is, real popcorn--gets drizzled with delicious melted butter (NOT MARGARINE.) In a perfect world, this is all topped by delicious grated parmesan cheese--that powdery Kraft crap will do in a pinch. And that, gentle readers, is how REAL popcorn is done. Don't be fooled.